Category Archives: Pointless

How Qatar got the FIFA World Cup in 2022

I know… the below is a bit far fetched… but taking into consideration the abundance of  “do not do it” hints provided to FIFA before electing Qatar to host FIFA World Cup 2022, my take on the actual vote is pretty much summed up in the small joke below…

So… here goes

Three women were all applying for a position in the accounting department. The interviewer asked each of them this question: “If you were to find $100,000, what would you do with it?”.

The first woman said that she would give it all back. The second woman said that she would give half back and keep half for herself. The third woman said that she would keep all the money.

Which woman got the job?

The one one with the biggest tits!


Making fun of Three Lions on a shirt…

Been around the Internet to pick up on some of the harsh (somewhat) comments posted to accompany the English football team trying so hard to go through to the second phase of the World Cup 2010 being held in South Africa… and the picking of the web is not for the faint of heart…. but here goes:

Fabio Capello walks into the England dressing room and finds a big steaming turd on the floor. He shouts “who’s shit on the ground”? “Me”, says Heskey, “but I’m better in the air”.

and another one:

Breaking news – England has got a new coach. It will be picking them up Thursday morning from Heathrow airport

uh… and another one…

South African police admit they’re having problems with drug-dealers,
thieves and sex fiends during the World Cup. They said that things should improve once John Terry’s family go home.

again – again:

The England team went to visit an orphanage in South Africa this morning. “It felt so good to put a smile on the faces of people with no hope, constantly struggling and facing the impossible” said Jamal Umbongo, aged 6

And… just to round things of:

all future televised england matches have been moved to the gay adult channel. Apparently the sight of 11 arseholes frequently getting hammered for 90 minutes was far too explicit for normal tv


Moving from tjep.org to tjep.me

Migrating away from tjep.org to tjep.me – using Flavors.me as the aggregator platform and blogging through WordPress @wordpress.com…. tjep.me has been bought for 9 USD on godaddy.com.


Scary … And most members of Congress are laywers …!

Just got my hands on some fantastic (?!) quotes from US courtrooms.. I laughed.. I hope you enjoy it too….
Below abstracts are from a book called ‘Disorder in the American Courts’ and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?<br>
WITNESS: Yes.<br>
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?<br>
WITNESS: I forget.<br>
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?<br>
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?<br>
WITNESS: He’s twenty, much like your IQ
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?<br>
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?<br>
WITNESS:Yes.<br>
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?<br>
WITNESS: Getting laid
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?<br>
WITNESS: Yes.<br>
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?<br>
WITNESS: None.<br>
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?<br>
WITNESS : Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?<br>
WITNESS: By death.<br>
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?<br>
WITNESS: Take a guess
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?<br>
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.<br>
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?<br>
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male…
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?<br>
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?<br>
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?<br>
WITNESS: Oral.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?<br>
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 pm.<br>
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?<br>
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?<br>
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
_____________________________________
<b>And the best for last</b>:<br>
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?<br>
WITNESS: No.<br>
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?<br>
WITNESS: No.<br>
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?<br>
WITNESS: No.<br>
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?<br>
WITNESS: No.<br>
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?<br>
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.<br>
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?<br>
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law<br>
<b>THINK ABOUT IT! MOST MEMBERS OF CONGRESS ARE LAWYERS….. </b>

Just got my hands on some fantastic (?!) quotes from US courtrooms.. I laughed.. I hope you enjoy it too….
Below abstracts are from a book called ‘Disorder in the American Courts’ and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place._____________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?<br>WITNESS: Yes.<br>ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?<br> WITNESS: I forget.<br>ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?<br>WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?<br>WITNESS: He’s twenty, much like your IQ____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?<br>WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?<br>WITNESS:Yes.<br>ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?<br>WITNESS: Getting laid_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?<br>WITNESS: Yes.<br>ATTORNEY: How many were boys?<br>WITNESS: None.<br>ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?<br>WITNESS : Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?<br>WITNESS: By death.<br>ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?<br>WITNESS: Take a guess_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?<br>WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.<br>ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?<br>WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male…_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?<br>WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work._____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?<br>WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._____________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?<br>WITNESS: Oral._____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?<br>WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 pm.<br>ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?<br>WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?<br>WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?_____________________________________
<b>And the best for last</b>:<br>
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?<br>WITNESS: No.<br>ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?<br>WITNESS: No.<br>ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?<br>WITNESS: No.<br>ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?<br>WITNESS: No.<br>ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?<br>WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.<br>ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?<br>WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law<br>
<b>THINK ABOUT IT! MOST MEMBERS OF CONGRESS ARE LAWYERS….. </b>